I thought of boundaries when I saw this “freeloader fork.” Quite a humorous little gadget, a gag gift. The fork extends out like a hotdog/marshmallow stick over a campfire. So if someone wants to get some of your food, they extend it over and eat off your plate. Hardly even before you know it, before you can stop them.
So this reminded me of boundaries. Boundaries are the defining line where one “territory” ends and another begins. When there are rigid boundaries, a person doesn’t let anyone in, is very self protective, usually due to having been hurt, violated, traumatized or invalidated. When there are too loose boundaries-people let others manipulate or violate them, take advantage of them, and the one being violated lacks in the emotional strength, healing from the past or know-how in how to take care of themselves by not letting harmful people in.
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. The presence of boundaries helps us express ourselves as the unique individuals we are, while we acknowledge the same in others. (link to blog above to post on boundaries on “Essential Life Skills” website). “I am me, you are you, in the middle is our relationship.”
Setting boundaries is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values as way to preserve and protect against having them compromised or violated. And then to respond with words or behavior if the other doesn’t respect those set boundaries, so that you won’t be violated/harmed/taken advantage of.
When a “boundary buster” comes along with their freeloader fork-to take a swipe at what is yours….just say no. Put up your hand. Cover your plate. Slap that fork away. Learn how to protect what is yours. Figure out how and why you allow people to verbally beat you up, manipulate you, insult you, intimidate you, talk down to you. There will always be boundary busters…freeloaders, taking what isn’t theirs. But not on my plate!
***I haven’t written a blog for a while. Setting my own boundaries with time, to keep a better work/life balance.