“Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind and moving on.”-Dr. Henry Cloud in the book “Necessary Endings.” Ending toxic or dead-weight relationships. Closing out unprofitable programs, departments or employees. Refusing to be engaged in unhealthy relationships with people. There is much literature on how to start new ventures in business or life, how to maintain the vision, and how to keep up the momentum. But how to END things well? Not so much. Cloud’s book byline is “The employees, businesses and relationships that all of us have to give up in order to move on.”
In order to keep growing and innovating, it is necessary to prune…not just to cut out the dead, but to prune the healthy and vibrant in order to allow the BEST to grow. It is not to just let the mediocre and the regular survive, but to pursue getting rid of what is bad or what even may seem good to make the BEST to grow. That means we need to have proactive endings for the things that are choking out, or diverting, the best in our lives and workplaces. The goal is to be alive and to THRIVE to the max, not just plod along at status quo.
How do you identify what kinds of people need to be”pruned” from your life? It can hurt to prune people out of your life, as you remove something to make it better. We sometimes avoid pain, thinking it is bad. Hurt may be necessary to move to our next level. However, harm comes when you are being damaged by someone else, in which case-the necessary ending needs to come to avoid further damage.
Cloud outlines 3 types of people:
1. WISE-those who are teachable when presented with truthful feedback, self reflective to make a change and can learn from experience. (Relationships where you can talk through issues and make changes so you grow and thrive along with them.)
2. FOOL-tries to adjust the truth so he/she doesn’t have to deal with it; blames others, explains away truth and resists change. (STOP talking to them-they will not reason or see that they need to change and mostly will blame you or something else).
3. EVIL-those who seek to hurt and do evil to others to gain in their own lives; tries to create others’ downfall to elevate self.( You cannot reason, give in or give them another chance to hurt you.)
A defining moment comes when you realize “this is NOT going to change-they are not going to change or work through this issue. I need to end it.” Breakthrough comes when you take the risk to create a proactive, necessary ending to prude in your life and make a way for the BEST.