Infidelity, affairs, sexual addiction, betrayal… these are the things that have destroyed relationships and families since the beginning of time (says Sheri Bland, but I don’t think that could be argued). Below are some resources to help guide you/others who have experienced this devastation.
The book “Deceived” directly addresses with infidelity, sexual addiction, pornography, sexual betrayal and the secrets that can kill a relationship. The author Claudia Black, a clinical social worker, is well known for her work with addictions and alcoholism. This has been a good resource for couples/partners who are dealing with this relational issue. Often times, it is a betrayed partner who is the one to seek counseling to learn how to handle the feelings and disloyalty that come with sexual infidelity and addictions in the relationship. 
Relationship betrayal can become murkier with online relationships, old “friends” on social media sites, and dating apps that can be difficult to detect and address.
Emily M. Brown, LCSW, director of Key Bridge Therapy and Mediation Center in Arlington, VA, and author of Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment for mental health professionals, has created the following typology of affairs:
- conflict avoidance, in which a couple can’t stand up to each other because they fear conflict;
- intimacy avoidance, in which the partners constantly fight;
- sexual addiction ;
- split self, in which both partners have neglected their own needs to tend to another’s;
- exit affair, in which one has decided to leave the partnership; and
- entitlement affair, in which a partner has devoted so much time and energy to success that he or she is out of touch with the emotional self.
Another expert in the field is Judith Barnett, Phd. Chapel Hill, NC
After Infidelity or an Affair: (from Dr Barnett)-
Remember infidelity is mostly about betrayal, loss of trust, and the potential loss of the relationship, while only somewhat about sex, etc.
One of the difficulties is that the two partners in the relationship start the recovery process from VERY different perspectives; [I will refer to the partner who had the affair as the unfaithful partner and the partner who feels betrayed as the hurt partner] The unfaithful partner has known about the infidelity for some time and has had time to think, ponder, worry, try to problem-solve, and deal with conflicting feelings such as guilt or remorse or anxiety . The hurt partner is new to the scene and has had no time to get any perspective and furthermore may have had weeks/months/years of suspicions that were never validated and that led to feelings of “ I feel crazy – my intuition tells me one thing and my partner tells me the opposite” and this usually leads to feelings of self-doubt and a sense of vulnerability and confusion.
Below is the link on Dr. Barnett’s website on healing after infidelity or an affair:
http://www.afterinfidelity.com/
(Her website has excellent resources and articles)
I would encourage both counseling for the couple as well as individual counseling for each partner. If a partner does not want to commit to couples counseling, please seek individual counseling for yourself. (I no longer to couples counseling; I do only individual counseling). I have seen couples work through the long process of recovery (it can take 2 years) and come out stronger. For some situations, either the unfaithful partner and/or the hurt partner decide that the relationship cannot be repaired or the damage caused by the betrayal is one of many unresolvable issues for the relationship.