Why do I attract toxic people into my life?
Unfortunately, I have many clients who are working through their relationship with a narcissist. This can be with a partner or a parent or a child. I am referring to the diagnosic definition of a narcissist, not being mad at someone who did something you didn’t like. The term is thrown around so easily these days. Clients ask me-can you show me how I can live with them and not have it bother me so much? I don’t know how to do that, as living with a narcissist deeply erodes one’s sense of self, trust, confidence and gives a distored reality to what the world is really like.
You can read the symptoms and characteristics of a narcissist in this blog from Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
I did NOT write this, but please refer to the blog by Kate Force in elephantjournal (link below)
If you’re wondering why you attract toxic people in your life, here could be six reasons why:
1. You’re a people pleaser. You rarely say no to others and feel you have no value unless you’re doing something for another person. (Hi, I’m Kate, and I’m a people pleaser.)
2. You’re generous (too generous) with your time. Toxic people love this quality because it means they have someone on-call at all times.
3. You have a “rescuer” personality. You jump in compulsively to fix problems. Even if you have good intentions, it usually winds up with you having to patch up another person’s problems. Over and over. Until you’re drained.
4. You hate confrontations.
5. You are loyal. You are so loyal that you allow lovers and family members to walk all over you.
6. You are overly open and honest.
The Toxic Attraction between an Empth and a Narcissist.”
By Alex Myles-“The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath and a Narcissist.”
A client told me about this article and writer, from the writer’s own experience about being involved with a narcisssist. It explains this cycle very well
“This is my theory… (the voice of Alex Myles)
From my own experience and studies on the narcissist personality type, there is always one core trait: A narcissist is wounded.
Something, somewhere along the line, usually stemming from childhood causes a person to feel worthless and unvalued and, due to this, they will constantly and very desperately seek validation.
Here comes the empath, the healer. An empath has the ability to sense and absorb other people’s pain and often takes it on as though it were their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of boundaries and does not understand how to protect themselves, they will very easily and very quickly bond with the narcissist in order to try to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.
What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker. An energy sucker, a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance. This is so that they can build up their own reserves and, in doing so, they can use the imbalance to their advantage.”
Click on the link below for the whole article
Lastly let me introduce Dr. Ramini, Ph.D, a psychologist who specializes in healing from narcissistic relationships. Below is a link to her site. Please view her website which has resources as well as links to her podcasts, her youtube channel and Blog.
Dr Ramini wrote “Should I stay or should I go?”
Her You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani/videos
Blog
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/guide-better-relationships
It is realistic to say that you can’t change a narcissist, but it is important for you to understand who you are dealing with, how this is effecting you and to learn tools and strategies to set boundaries, make decisions for yourself and be a healthy, whole person